I feel like I ...

I feel like I haven't updated in a while. Oh well. I haven't done much..as usual. Mainly just doing my work, trying to keep up with things and still managing breathing. I'm looking forward to this nest week because I have a half day of school or Friday and then Monday off. So almost a 4-day weekend or something. That also means I'll be able to sleep in a bit more on Friday because I don't have my 7:50AM class. I applied to this scholarship competition that my teacher recommended me to do...artsawards.org. It looks so insane. Especially since the kids on it are unbelievable. They are sooo gifted. I'm not to scared about this tho. I'm just going to try. You never know. This week is spirit week in my school. Yay!::waves flag sadly:: They took away the one day I liked. Tomorrow is PE/Pajama Day..guess what you wear XD I really don't care tho. It beats the uniform. Tuesday is Jersey Day..which I can't do..because I don't own a jersey..nor plan onto in the future. Although I want to make a Moi dix Mois or Malice Mizer jersey..but Moi dix Mois is easier..except for the font. I mean..the front would say 'Moi dix Mois' with a decagram..and the back would have a band member's name and the number 10 would be on it...or 'DIX'..XD..I have stupid ideas. Malice Mizer would be more difficult. Perhaps a rose in the front..and I don't know what number..Anyway..I'm off

Tod...

Today was alright..I guess. I came home and passed out for three hours. That wasn't a wise decision. I should be more responsible. But I was really tired. And these last two days haven't been the best. But everyone has their good and bad days. Fashion was relatively fun today. I like doing gesture drawings. They were so much fun and quick ^-^..yeah I know I'm being a dork about it. The drawings are a just a step up from stick figures. But I think its so much fun. And I've realized Mark is a really cool guy. He's the only other guy in fashion design. I had photography with him, and he was alright then. We didn't talk much because of the note taking and such and because I didn't like talking to anybody in the darkroom either. Except sometimes..some people ::cough::Jen::cough:: would annoy the heck out of me...and I usually helped the person out a little. But yea..I had this impression that he was such a prick before. Mainly because I used to take the bus with him in the mornings, but we didn't know each other then. I should give more people the benefit of the doubt. I have to really work hard this semester with all my artwork. I'm going to try to put my portfolio together this weekend. Also try and see if theres anything that I could improve in a few works that I'll show AIB. I'm really nervous about it. And although I don't want to hear what they have to say, whether it be good or bad..I need to know where I stand. And I don't know why I'm wasting $50 on a Cooper Union application, when I know very damn well I won't be accepted there. Whatever.. -.-My first AP Art History test is tomorrow. -__- I know I'm not going to do too well because..dates are my weakness. And I have a feeling that Mr. Antinori wants dates on the test. Luckily I started studying yesterday for it. I hope I don't fail it horribly. Anyway..I'm off..zoom zoom..XD

I do not k...

I do not know why I've started to download Tatu mp3's. Do not question me >_< I don't know why..this song is good by the way. I've heard this song before..I forgot who it was by....I also think it plays in the beginning of 'Charmed'.And..ignore the shit I said before. It was me being an ass again. Ms.Schaefer is surprisingly very comforting when she talks about college to us. And I dunno..I got the hint that my work isn't as bad as I thought it was. It gave me a warm feeling. Because honestly I tend to compare my work to other's work..and I never see my up to par..or even remotely close to it. But today..I don't know..she only gave me two things from last year. And she has everything esle with her. It was just very surprising..at least to me. And I got the impression that she liked my self portrait because she's keeping it in the room. And I even asked her if I could take it home...so that I could 'fix' it. But she just completely denied me of touching it with a paintbrush. This reminds me..I have to go talk to Ms.Schaefer personally.....about me. I need to ask her a few questions about my work and college and stuff. And...I think this coming Tuesday...my portfolio is being reviewed by the Art Institute of Boston. I'm scared shit. But I decided that I can't leave New York..even if I tried. So I won't be going there..but I want to get a general idea of what someone esle's idea of my work is. Wish me luck..Oh yea..the guy from Mrs.Fields called today. Finally!! Apparently my assumptions were wrong. The place still isn't up because of slow construction. But the guy wants me to meet with some other guy...within the next few days..O.o;; Sooo Monday I have to call him back..-.-' Oh well...I'm off..

I go...

I got contacts today. It was freakin ricdulous how this woman was telling me to put them on. "Just tap..come on tap..tap..tap.." .__. And I freakin lost my art history outline today. Where? I have no idea. And when I came home..I spent most of the time looking for it and adjusting to my new prescription. So in the end..I didn't find it..you know I must be gifted to be able to lose that. And I started to redo it..then I just decided to give up. Whatever -.- its one homework..I just have to do all my other work to the highest degree to make up that this '0'..god thats depressing. But..I didn't have the time or engery to complete that. Oh well..hrmm..I think sleep is finally hitting...ho hum..lol

I have weird dreams..

I had a strange dream last night. Somehow Daphne had found a map with a 'forbidden treasure'. And we had to take like 50 paces in differnet directions. And while walking my friend starting yelling out that she can't walk in the shoes shes wearing. And we look down and she has like these hooker high heels o.O;; And then we enter a building through its side entrance..and enter a Moi dix Mois concert! ^___^ They were finishing up a song. After the song, Juka starting talking..and said that Shadow X was about to be revealed. And then..'Vizard' starts playing..and right where the vocals are suppose to come in..Mana pops up with a microphone. And then the someone got shot? o.O;; It was weird..but thats when the dream ended. And I have to find something new to do when I'm bored...besides messing with LJ. I should just get an icon to go with everything now....And thinking about cosplay and the skit thats going to be performed gets me excited and nervous. But I like the idea, partly because I doubt anyone esle will do it. Anyway I should go and finish my work.

Puff...-.o

Excuse my previous post..I went into to a whole fanboy mood for Mana-sama ^_____^ I must join Mon Amour when I have a chance. But anyway..I was supposed to go out today and head to the fashion district and a beauty supply store for our cosplay and Halloween goods. But we cancelled because New York is getting the dying effects of hurricane Ivan. So we're going tomorrow..I think? And I want to stop by Kino to see if that nice lady is there. That poster shall be mine!..hopefully >_>;;I wish I knew what the weather was going to be exactly for Halloween XD...that way I know what to brace myself for..I'd like to wear Shadows Temple..but thats sleeveless(what esle is new)...and what if its cold..And its not like weather is predictable because it snowed at crazy times this year XDNothing esle is really going on..so maybe I'll start my homework early.

eeeeeeeeee...

eeeeeeeeeeeee ::hugs not yet made Mana plushie:: ^_______________^

I'm so...

I'm so tried. I haven't been sleeping well. And even in my most enjoyable and interesting classes I was falling asleep. And I got really disappointed that I missed about 15 minutes off my poetry class today because of the stupid dean's office. Which reminds me..I have the summer reading test tomorrow. Great -___- I didn't even finish reading it..partly because I didn't want to. Damn it Vik your already fucking up >_<Daphne came to my AP Art History class today. Which I must thank her for. Because I didn't finish that AP Art Studio vocabulary list last night..so I used that class to finish it. Which in all isn't very wise because I should be paying attention in that class or at least trying to. But I must thank her once again because she took notes for me..which in other circumstances would be really funny..but now just make me smile and then go back to my zombie like state. I have no idea how many typos there are in here already. Oh well -_- At least I got to finish that stupid vocab list. Now I'm reminded of that crap that is my outline that I'll hand it tomorrow -.-'..it looks like I doodled on it, lol.I have more than two hours free tomorrow...great -__- I'll just do my Life Drawing homework then.. he said make three designs..I'll make six. I want to get a high homework grade damn it..partly because I'm scared of how he grades projects. But I shouldn't be worried if I do all my work every night -.-' This reminds me..partly because I just turned my head and saw the box. I got my creepers in the mail today..which I didn't have to pay for as I thought. My mom got them for me..and she's all ok with them. Well, honestly I shouldn't be so surprised..she has gotten alot more understanding over the years. Well at least I'd hope so. But she hates the whole eyeliner thing. Eh..whatever..I do it anyway...which reminds me..the shoes didn't look so big online. I'm 6'1" when I have them on, lol.Anyway I'm going to sleep now..because I'm going to nearly fall asleep right now..

Today -.-'

School was okay today. I woke up a bit late was late tho -.-', hence forth I was late for H period (class at 7:50AM). So..I had to go serve a 15 minute detention, which is stupid, because I was 3 minutes late. But whatever. My school has stupid rules. Life Drawing was alright, it seemed like Mr.Antinori wasn't too thrilled about the organizations I had picked for this poster that we had to do. And now I pose the question, how does promoting an organization by creating a poster, help us draw the human figure better O.o??? -____- Oh well.. I actually had a good time in AP Art History to my surprise. I got very interested in cave paintings o.o And the period went by really quickly @____@;;; Fashion was all like..."look at all the crap you'll need to use to make a good garment in my class"....>_>;; And I'm bringing in a Gothic and Lolita Bible as my fashion magazine...xD I'll probably go buy another one or a Kera at the end of this week..so I can just mainly use one for the class. And most likely preorder Pagaent while I'm in the area, that way I won't blow my money by the time it does come out....Okay now..I have a strange feeling we're going to be ripping out pages from the magazine...O___O maybe I won't use a Gothic and Lolita Bible...because that thought scares me..Doomsday Tomorrow!! -___- I'm gonna die. AP Art Studio meets tomorrow. I'm scared.. I'm still not done with my Moi dix Mois project...but I love how its coming out <3 I think so far its the first project I'm really passionate about ^^ Except I don't think I'm really giving Kazuno any justice...or maybe its the pressure...@___@;;;. No Daphne, its not your fault...xD Its this weird complex I get in every project so far. Its because in the drawing..he's the most difficult one -.-' Another thing..Vik loves white charcoal pencils ^_______^I really hope I'm wrong with my assumption about this >_< whatsherface said her idea of bringing Mike to class >_<++ I hope I'm fucking wrong with this assumption. I freakin hate that guy. He played with two of my best friends feelings. And one thing that gets me really over the top with anger is people hurting my friends. And I hoped to never freakin see the guy. Now..there may be a chance of him coming to the school >_<+++++ I think I'll have to ask Mr.Antinori to step out of the class for those days..out of fear of saying/doing something I'll regret. I'll request extra homework or something. NO! You know what, I shouldn't have to fuckin leave my class. I'm not going to fuckin let my anger get the best of me. He just better not say a word to me.

So far...

Well yesterday was September 11th. I tried not to think about it, but I couldn't help it. The saying 'never forget' is true. Its not that I want to forget. Its just at the moment..I didn't want to think about it.In some more other news..I started school this Wednesday. My senior and last year. However actual classes started on Thursday. But I'm pretty okay with my classes. They're not so bad, at least not yet. Life Drawing is just very intimidating so far. We looked through slides of work from his past students. It's incredible...scary even. I hope that at the end of this course I will have grown that much artistically. AP Art History seems like a bore. I have a feeling I'll to slap myself to wake up some days. The good thing about the class is that I have most of my friends in that class, as well as in Life Drawing....actually most of the same people. Computer Graphics is...erg..>_<* The school got a new teacher..and so far it seems like he knows shit. But whatever I have to give him more of a chance. The advantage of the class is that maybe I'll be able to work on some things at home. Fashion Design seems alright so far. The textbook is cosplay help heaven. Maybe I'll buy a copy of it some day...and the homework is really easy so far. Poetry is amazing. I really like my teacher. He's so passionate about the subject. Well not to say my previous teachers weren't...because they were..but this guy has this energy to him that could probably make anything enjoyable ^^ Health..a required class -___- is okay. The teacher seems nice. I have a feeling I'm just going to feel like an unhealthy mofo most of the time tho. My gym class..I have no idea..because we haven't met yet. So thats the gist of my classes.This reminds me..my AP Art Studio teacher...seems understanding that no one has all eight projects done over the summer. O.o..that was so weird. I was expecting a big lecture or something. Well I'll truely know by Tuesday..thats our first meeting. On another note..I think I have the most projects out of everybody. I hope I'm wrong. I don't like this feeling. So Project #1 Shazna/Izam pastel, #2 Beast of Blood Mana painting (^^), #3 1/3 complete-Moi dix Mois white pencil drawing ^^ <- I really like how everything is coming out. So far Juka is near complete. And everyone..excluding Tohru...>_> looks great. They looked so cool in my rough pencil sketch ^^ Anyway I'm gonna go and mostly likely work on Kazuno or Mana ^^

I really like one my results.. o.o

I'm a Philosopher/Scientist!Which Enemy of the Christian Church Are You?Take More of Robert & Tim's QuizzesWatch Robert & Tim's CartoonsI love this answer ^________^Jrock Soap Opera by IHeartKakashiSenseiName/Nickname/Etc.Humor me! Name a Jrocker! Any Jrocker!The name of your soap opera isThis LifeYour soap opera personality isdark. The mysterious loner...Your best and most loyal friend isYura (Psycho le Cemu)Your main love interest throughout the series isYukihiro (L'Arc-en-Ciel)Jealousy! This guy wants you, no matter what!Lida (Psycho le Cemu)Shocker! You have a long lost brother! He isTetsu (L'Arc-en-Ciel)It happened! You are pregnant! The father isJuka (Moi dix Mois)Random Soap Opera Happening #1You get amnesia, unfortunately, but you get well!Random Soap Opera Happening #2Your lover is an angel. A real one. Seriously!Does it end well?There are a few bad things, but you are okay.Quiz created with MemeGen!WHAT?! x_x

Well I...

Well I didn't get to hang with Paula like I wanted to =/ Oh well...had to do stupid sister crap. Well hopefully we can get together this weekend or Monday to do that thing. I have no idea where tho..@.@;; maybe Central Park?..In other news..that forsaken shit on the canvas still isn't complete. >.< In fact its getting angry. But last night after talking to Daphne..I watched like 5 hours of 'the L word'. It made me cry....which is difficult now with watching things. Hopefully tonight I'll watch the final 13th episode. I feel like getting the series on DVD once its released. Or I could try and tape it..but my vcr is shitty. It'll save me money. And I'm not sure I'd want to cosplay Juka for Halloween or the dance. Well maybe Halloween..but not the dance..I'm not sure..Vik is confused @.@ Maybe I can go with something traditional..???..Well I'm gonna go and paint a bit more.

I've always hated picture days..

^^; Boy am I a dork...lol (my own thing going on in my head)...I'm not crazy..>.<..yet. So this picture day thing...was..unpleasant. I hated every minute of it. I don't like people telling me to go into these uncomfortable positions. I got pretty angry when the guy said to lean into this werid pose so that one shoulder looks bigger than the other. Did he realize that it'll make me look abnormal..@.@;; Thats insane..I think I would have rather perferred the cookie -_- At least it goes along with one thing about me..Vik <3's cookies..XD
I then went to have lunch with Daphne and Kristyn at Boston Market..where I couldn't see the menu. Yeah..I couldn't find my glasses this morning. And I was late...so I couldn't do some massive hunt for them. Yea..-.-..so then me and Daphne went to Flushing. Where we ran into Kristen lol. Really wasn't expecting to see her..especially since we were talking about her on the bus. Not anything bad tho ^^ We hung out for a bit and then we just parted ways.
I don't feel like painting today...::looks at canvas::.....ok expect to correct that..and that...and that.. u.u..dang it.. I think I'm going to loathe AP Art Studio this year. Along with Antinori. Something tells me that he's going to royally piss me off one day. But I'll try and start the year well...Good god..!! I have less than a week from when school starts..x.x And those sneaky devils aren't coming till the end of next week. u_u
::bangs head onto wall several times:: I guess I'll start to paint yet again. Oh well I made this for my friend Nik-chan. It'll be for his comic.

Today was su...

Today was such a flop. But whatever. I don't want to get into any of that. I'm still not finished with the painting. And I've been working really hard on it now..>.< but every night when I stop...I see a new flaw. Like now..the upper left corner is crap. One thing..I'm really happy with is his hair. I shall not touch the hair. I've been neglecting that book too. I have to read it.. And damn it..you know you try and find the easy way out..and theres not a single 'study guide' online XD. Hrmm...I should finally go to bed. I have those pictures tomorrow..With my luck I'll have my eyes closed in all of the pictures taken -__- ...I want coconut pocky. I'll buy some on my way home tomorrow. I feel like passing through Flushing anyway.P.S--I really like 'the L word'..XD

-.-...

-.-

Ergh...

Ergh I'm back after having lost my internet...and all function to my computer. But I'll get into that later. Right now I'm just glad to finally be online again. In other news while I was away..cult_of_juka seemed to have gone active. And I'm glad nekura_ash was able to make everything look amazing ^____^ And yes cult_of_juka was that community that was being worked on. SO people join!!!For my current/future tasks at hand..translating and deframing.....So for right now I'm off..

Help me in this mass of chaos..

I feel like such a waste of life. I'm not sure what to do. Theres a chance of me actually getting a job..but I'm not sure whether or not to take it if the chance does in fact happen. Reason why? My sister just had her baby on...*thinks* Thursday. And today I go and visit and all I hear is stuff about babysitting when Yadira[my sister] has to go back to work. Which I don't know..maybe I feel that it then should be my responsibilty to try and care of him after school. But then whats the point of getting a job and quitting after a month or so. I'd want to keep it and have it hopefully working with my school schedule. On top of that my aunt started talking to me about college. And of course she's freaking me out when I tell her I don't have a definite career path. I get scared at the thought of college...because its then a clear slap in the face to "grow up". And I'm not sure I want to--yet. Then of course I panic at the thought of not having 8 AP projects completed. I'm still not finished with one....Mana will/must look perfect! Of course, he's only starting to get prettier from that once blob that I had..And I haven't been able to work on any of my future cosplays ;-; I think I'm going to take a day off tomorrow and go to the fashion district or something and buy some vinyl, at least to start making the armwarmers. Those alone are a bitch to make. Oh well I'm off.

3rd Moi dix Mois single!

Moi dix Mois releasing another single!! ::dies:: Thress releases in one year...@.@ I think he's either trying to spoil me or leave me penniless. And its Pageant too ^____^

last ounces of energy...

Remember saying that my mentality was at a more suitable state. Guess what it no longer is! I'm so tired already.. and its only 4:23am. Whats wrong with me?! And Mana must look perfect!! I can not insult this godly man by giving him a cracked up face.. @.@ This must be perfect. Right to the black roses..to perfect hair. And god help me with the upcoming Shazna project..@.@...1)all the pink 2)the complex idea I have 3)how big it shall be. But nothing will beat the detail in Gackt-era Malice Mizer...I want to combine at least three big memorable costumes from then. Ergh >.< looks like cosplay will have to wait..I'm so tired..Ergh..where's Daphne? I haven't spoken to her in a long time. I miss her u_u ...oh well like another two weeks till she comes back >.< And I can't sign on AIM either. Quite honestly this has been one of the only breaks I've had. I'd read my email and check my friend's page..but I'm gonna pass out just typing this...@.@

Err..fi...

Err..fill it out. And put as a comment I guess. Its a bit odd. I don't think I'd normally do this, but because I feel 'high' lets give it go. \m/ DIS!!!1. Who are you? 2. Are we friends? 3. When and how did we meet? 4. Do you have a crush on me?5. Would you kiss me? 6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. 7. Describe me in one word. 8. What was your first impression? 9. Do you still think that way about me now? 10. What reminds you of me? 11. If you could give me anything what would it be? 12. How well do you know me? 13. When's the last time you saw me? 14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? 15. Are you going to put this on your diary and see what I say about you?

back..

I think that after a few nights of paranoia, insomania and basic sadness...I've recovered into a more suitable mental state. Sorry for claiming that I was leaving everyone. Luckily I chose the option of deleting everyone in my friends list, than deleting the LJ itself. Overall, I think I'm 'okay' now. Now that I think things over, I feel a bit stupid. I easily fall into a trap of words. I suppose I just have to learn how to control how things affect me. Remembering when I had first read that stupid convo, I tried not to let it affect me. Yet it clearly did from that very day. Anyway I think I'm through with that......ah...I currently have no backgound anymore--because well not sure. I can't make my Moi dix Mois layout exactly how I want it. I want it to be all 'The Prophet' themed. I think I may just make a quick Malice Mizer 'Garnet' themed layout. Not sure. And my dancing Klaha icon did not come out;-; I want a Dancing Klaha icon damn it. That and some fabric!! Along with these stupid cosplays I'm doing, I also would like to make a sketch come to life! Oh yeah and I finished reading 'Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoniex'. I kind of want to read this book 'Demons and Angels'. It looks interesting. I saw it on a catalogue for about $8. I may just get it. This reminds me..Viktor needs fabric paint. I have a nifty/bootleg idea. I also need a fucking job and I need to reserve my spot at the zoo....I want buttons!! .....Okay....after gathering myself once again...I've come to the conclusion I need sleep.. as well as taking 'Perish' out of the loop. Second time around hearing it, I got sad...

thoughts that cloud and clutter my mind..or simply one thing

I only write this now, because I can't sleep. I can't seem to shake this feeling away. I suppose it's my own fault. But in fact this isn't the case. I've said a few hateful, mean things about a certain person only to release/ vent out my current frustrations and thoughts. This was all mainly due to an AIM convo too. I guess I had a right to in the end, not sure. I guess this is mostly because aside from an LJ comment on a previous LJ, the convo was one of the more hurtful things that have been said about me. Like many times, I've never let anyone see how it's affected me. Or how anything affects me for that matter. I can't help it, it's a part of my nature and emotional defensives. This all to reminds me of how I completely stopped talking about Witchcraft and how occasionally give advice to a person or answer a simple question. Although my interest in it is no longer as evident, I do contiune my study. I'm not certain why it reminds of this. I guess, I'm trying to truely exlain myself and my actions over the past three years, give or take. I never wished to be considered a "goth", and still don't. My fashion got darker with time, and music got louder and heavier. This of course was when I was all up with bands that spoke english. However music and me, has never been explained. I didn't have a favorite band then, because I couldn't have. True I was all up with Opeth and Slipknot as my top faves. But unforunately there was something missing there. I wish I could explain in writing, but it doesn't seem at all possible. However with a small suggestion from a friend, and with my own combined interests, I fell in love with 'Visuel Kei'--which was a popular music era in Japan. From that I later discovered other bands in the 'j-rock' scene and it grew from there. I fell in love with the japanese rock because it truely combined alot of my interests, some with weren't so evident. I also discovered my love for rock music combined with classical music. And I stayed there. I discovered other bands, and slowly left what I had listened to before-because I found some things rather boring after a while. I really can't truley explain this and I'm not sure why I'm writing this except for my own reassurance and benefit. My anime/manga/manwha interests peaked in the recent two years. Why? I'm not sure. I liked it since I was 10. I didn't know many series then, and I didn't really know anyone esle that shared the interest. I met people in Prep however that in fact did. And along with that we shared alot of other things. And with these same people, I attended my first anime convention. Which peaked my interests in cosplay, anime, manga, j-rock, japanese culture and fashion because I learned so much those three days. I can't help what I like, no one can. This is all further increased something I had said when I was younger, 'I wish I were Japanese'. Only because I was so interested in how different everything seemed. Note I had said that when I was around 10. But I never really wanted to abandon my own culture. It was just something I said. However I never thought that I was Japanese, and honestly I still don't think I am.And morph myself into another person. I think not. I take a little from everyone I befriend. Not as I as try and be like them, but as in that little becomes a part of something I hold dear with a few people. I carry my friends with me. Its not like I'm schizo or anything. But I noticed this a few months ago. It was weird when I first realized it, but as the same time comforting that these people had such an impact on my life. However I never tried to copy anyone. I was doing my own thing. At least I believe I was. My attitude/behavior has been relatively the same. Few people can say this is true. Unforunately, I've seemed to have lost contact with these few--or at least it feels that way. I'm not sure what this was suppose to accomplish. Its mostly because that AIM convo still seems to pop into my head. Overall now that I've thought about these things again..I think everything just seems to be a misunderstanding or loss of a more open communication. Alot things I guess were never explained. I'm not sure. And this isn't a rant. Its mostly just me rambling on about stupid shit. I think this has helped me in a way. I should just forget about that stupid convo. It should be meaningless. Yet why do I remember still so many of those words. Its over two months from when that happened. Never thought it would affect me so. I have to just let it go.

Sorry everyone, I'm closing everything of while I fix a few things out. So right now no one is on the friends page. Be back soon. Don't remove me, Viktor shall return!!